Cold and Hard as Ice
by the-curse-of-angelica
Summary: It's funny the way the world works, how as long as you follow your dreams everything balances out in the end. But Kimimaro would never see this. He was just a pawn...


**So now after a long break I'm back to Naruto fanfiction. This time its a rather melancholy one. Just as a note when I speak about love in this story I mean more like the way a father loves his child. Not in a romantic sense. I just want to be clear, because I know some people out there have dirty minds.**

* * *

He couldn't help but feel, somewhere deep inside of his mind that maybe, just maybe he had wasted what was left of his now meaningless life doing something unimportant. He wasn't going to ask himself whether it was really worth it, giving up himself to someone who could so easily find a replacement for him, because he knew what the answer would be. He knew this answer for the simple reason that he was indeed about to die and yet his thoughts weren't turning to his master. He was not thinking, _will Orochimaru-sama attain his immortality. Will he become the greatest shinobi_ _the world has ever seen. I wish him the best._ Yes, those were the thoughts he should have been thinking had he truly been the loyal servant, the tool that he had trained his whole life to be. And yet he wasn't thinking these thoughts, because he knew they were a waste.

Instead, as he lay buried, barely alive, under ton after ton of sand, his thoughts turned to something he had almost forgotten, to a conversation he had just hours before meeting his master. For so long it had remained buried in the deep recesses of his mind, but now it rose to the surface. It held all the answers he needed to know but could never understand…

* * *

The young boy leaped through the trees, agile and quick, intent on the mission at hand. Occasionally his long black hair snagged against the trees, but that didn't really slow him down. Zabuza had told him to cut it off once before, but he never did as it reminded him of his mother's hair. He didn't have many memories of the family he lost so he made sure to keep all the ones he did safe.

These were the memories he was lost in as he whipped through the forest. Until he looked down and saw something, or rather someone, who made him stop his progress. He jumped down to the hard forest ground with ease and approached said person.

Sure enough, it was the boy who had attempted to attack him and Zabuza-san last night, before realizing that they weren't his targets. He was sitting with his back against a tree, his knees pulled up to his chest, staring blankly at a piece of grass he was fiddling with. He looked lonely and lost just as he had the night before, except that now his eyes weren't clouded with despair, they were completely emotionless. _Last night I thought he reminded me of myself, _thought the black-haired boy_, but now he looks even worse._

The black-haired boy approached the white-haired one. " You remind me of myself," he said, "with that dead look in your eyes."

The white-haired boy looked up, startled, "Oh," he breathed, "You're the one from last night." He shifted nervously, "What are you doing here?"

"Zabuza-san sent me back to get something he left at the house of a man we assassinated last night," said the raven- haired boy, smiling as though he hadn't just said that he killed someone. "I saw you sitting here and wanted to talk to you. My name's Haku. What's yours?"

The white-haired boy was staring at him wide-eyed, "Y-you helped kill someone. What did he do to deserve that?"

Haku shrugged, "It was a mission. We shinobi have to make a living you know. Even if we are rogue. We did it for the money. Why did you kill all those people in that village last night?"

"Because I'm a Kaguya. That's what we're born to do. K-kill people I mean. Idon't know why. It's not like I want to, it makes me feel sick inside. I hate it, but if I didn't help my clan they would get rid of me because I'm cursed."

"Huh, cursed? What do you mean?" Haku asked with interest, "Oh and you still didn't tell me your name."

"It's Kimimaro and what I mean by cursed is that I can do something that no one else except for my great-great grandfather could do. My clan were afraid of me."

Haku smiled again. He had felt that this boy was different in the same way that he was different, "Do you mean that you have a kekkai genkai ?"

Kimimaro looked up in confusion at the boy named Haku, "What's that?"

"It's a special type of jutsu that only members of a certain clan can have. The most famous kekkai genkai's are the ocular jutsus of the Uchiha and Hyuuga clans, the sharingan and the byakugan, but there are others. There are some that no one's ever heard of because the clans they come from see it as some sort of curse or plague," his face looked sad as he said this. "Others like mine."

"What's yours," Kimimaro asked, genuinely curious. He had never talked this much in his life but he felt like maybe this boy would understand him.

"Ice release. I can manipulate water and wind and kill people before they even have a chance to fight back. I even killed my own father."

Haku looked at Kimimaro expectantly waiting for a reaction to his last statement, but the boy simply asked, "Why?"

"He killed my mother and tried to kill me when he found out that we had the kekkai genkai. It was the only way to save myself."

"They treated you badly for something you were born with. Why? How can you be happy?"

"Because I found someone who takes care of me and needs me because of that. And I'm sure you will too. You may be all alone right now, but I'm sure someone will come along who needs you for your kekkai genkai and then you'll have a purpose."

"But isn't that the same thing as being used," said Kimimaro a bit skeptically.

"Not if I care about that person and want to help him fulfill his goals," replied Haku.

"But what about yourself?"

"I believe you can't love someone else without loving yourself too. I've come to respect myself and I do have my own dreams. By helping Zabuza-san I want to make an impact on the world. I want to show them that shinobis aren't the cold-blooded killers that people make us out to be. That we can be loyal and caring too. Do you understand now?" he asked searching Kimimaro's face for recognition with his warm brown eyes.

Kimimaro nodded, but truly he didn't understand. He didn't love himself, not one bit in fact and he wasn't sure he could ever love anyone else. He just needed a purpose. With a purpose for his miserable existence he felt he didn't need such things as love and happiness. He knew know what he needed from hearing Haku talk. He needed to be needed by someone.

"Thank you Haku. I think I understand now."

Haku smiled at him, "Good. I have to go now, but maybe we'll meet again someday. I hope you'll find someone who wants you, like I did."

The boy took off again through the trees. His hair waved behind him like a banner showing that he was indeed his own person and knew what he wanted out of life. The colorless boy watched him go as he picked himself up off the ground and walked forward through the woods. He stopped to look down at a lone flower growing in an unlikely place. It was just as lacking in color as himself.

* * *

Now here he was, crushed beneath the weight of the sand wondering about Haku's words. How could he have ever loved himself if no one had loved him first. Orochimaru had promised him what he was looking for, a relevant purpose, but he never cared about him. How ironic that he was dying while helping to get a replacement for himself. A better replacement too. After all, who wants a Kaguya when they can have an Uchiha? How did it come to this, he wondered. With a last spurt of strength, he rose from the sand, aiming a spike towards his target. _Maybe I can still make an impact. I'll be known for killing a monster. A jinchuriki. It's not much but it's something,_ he thought.

But he wasn't close enough, he would never be. He stared into eyes that were also a jade green in color and knew this was as far as he could go. _I wonder if he ever made the impact he wanted. He seemed so sure…_

Yes, Haku did make his impact, in a small way that grew greater every day. He forever changed the outlook of one goofy blonde-haired shinobi, who in turn helped many people and showed them what was most important in life. Maybe if that kid had stuck around he could have helped Kimimaro too. But he didn't. One person he did help, however was owner of the sand that had inevitably crushed Kimimaro. It's funny the way the world works, how as long as you follow your dreams everything balances out eventually. But, unfortunately Kimimaro would never see this. He was just a pawn and pawns can't win a game. They have no right to dream big. Haku found a loophole. He dreamed but his dreams were small. In the end this didn't help Kimimaro much. He still didn't understand.

After all snow can't make much of an impact against bone. It's already too white, already to cold.

* * *

**So tell me how you liked it in a review...**


End file.
